What does it all mean? What is the purpose? Is life devoid of meaning and purpose? Are we the effects of incalculable universal causes? Utterly coincidental?
I like to think that we are here for a reason. The purpose being to help others. Part of me feels as if life on earth is indeed a purgatory. Not in the biblical sense, as if we are between two extremes, but more so that the cyclical nature of the universe is guiding us on “laps of life.” Each lifetime full of experiences, determines the starting line, and potentially the entire path of our next lap. Does that mean this lap is already predetermined? Potentially. The question of free choice vs. destiny is not a new predicament by any means. Are we just along for the ride? Or does every choice we make, resonate along an infinite loop?
If all matter is set to a slow vibration, are we just dancing to the tune of the piper in the distance as Einstein said? Or are we generating our own tunes, and playing our own musical set? Are our surroundings and interactions with our environment a reaction to our choices and mindset? Or are they mere consequence of a predetermined path that we must endure in order to further our understanding of ourselves and the universe? If string theory is indeed true, then every key I am pressing is leading me to an alternate course. But to what degree do actions determine the severity of recoil? And within what time frame?
What goes around, comes around. The more I think about the cyclical nature of our world, the more I tend to think that we too, are governed by mysterious causes. Are these notions wishful thinking for an eternal existence? Here today, and gone tomorrow. Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. Is our life a singularity which is of the most precious, and irreplaceable essence? Huffing oxygen as our blood circulates in an intricate, yet imperfect organic makeup. Evolved enough to separate ourselves from our earthly cousins, but not yet evolved enough to side-step the laws of nature.
If this is indeed a karmic purgatory, a recurring and ceaseless simulation for us to bypass, I fear that I am very far from achieving rest and relief. Nor do I know in which direction to head in order to achieve reprieve. I have been conditioned to do “good.” Good and bad are both relative, and on the ends of the same spectrum. Perception and beliefs determine the validity of both concepts. Therefore, I am heading blindly in the direction that I believe will lead me to a better quality of existence. Maybe that is the whole point.
Maybe it is purely trial and error. A man from Nepal once told me that I have worked very hard to come to these conclusions. And he did not mean only in this life, but in all of my previous lives. He insisted my consciousness was an accumulation of all of my cosmic effects. Despite the sensations of blessings that he bestowed upon me, I couldn’t help but to believe them to be irrational. I am merely an animal, seeking meaning for my existence with the help of a cursed neocortex. Or am I?
Is life a trial by fire through which we must persist, only to be thrown back into the coals to begin anew? Like the phoenix, we rise from our ashes, unaware of our previous life, but given hints at critical junctures to alter both our present circumstances, and our eternal path? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just an ape-like creature blessed with higher thought, but only enough brainpower to remain ignorant of the true meaning of life. Maybe it is meant to be that way. The curtains are only pulled back far enough for us to see a glimpse of the truth.
Maybe in my next life, this pondering will assist me in my understanding of my purpose in life. Or maybe my time here shall come to an end abruptly, my conscious mind will be snuffed out, and I will be consumed by the organic coding that brought me into existence. Perhaps my coding will be consumed and reproduced in a plethora of lifeforms. If that is the case, I may have to wait an eternity for the pieces to come full circle through universal collisions and separations in order to come back as a conscious being. Maybe that is how I came to be today.
Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, and therefore here I am. Floating among the other pieces of the eternal puzzle, comprised of bits and pieces of those who have come before me. One can only hope that the deep sleep is more like a coma, and the potentially billions of years before conscious recollection takes place seems more like a short nap. I can only hope that the universe is more like an on and off switch. Turning my life back on in an instant in order to experience life again. In the same order? I wouldn’t mind. A super computer simulation that continues to reboot.
The grasping for continued existence that is hardwired into my being is borderline insanity. Or complete insanity if life truly is meaningless. A planet full of crazy apes. So immersed in their social conditioning that they don’t even realize just how trapped they truly are. Maybe we are in a planetary exile, just as Australia was to England. Sent here by distant relatives for our inability to live peacefully. Our DNA doomed to the pain and suffering we cause each other. Imperfect criminals stuck on a wild planet in which we feel only a lingering connection.
Or I’m purely a link in the chain of predetermined evolutionary progression, and must dwell on the fact that I am nothing in the larger scheme of things. Maybe I should just stop thinking about all of these things, and enjoy the sensational life that is all around me. Enjoy sensual experiences, create wonderful relationships, help others as best as I can, and at least take my last breath with a sense of contentment and pride. Who am I? Why am I here? No answers, only questions.