I’ve finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. After four months in a deep depression, I am finally returning to normal. I had not been to the gym since May. I had not contacted my friends since June. I have not written a blog post since July. An entire summer flew by. I still cannot wrap my mind around it.
The good news is that my family and friends have stayed by my side and have been fully supportive of my journey. It feels as if a thick fog has lifted. Melancholy and suicidal thoughts have been replaced with normalcy and hope. I have walked down the hardest road I have ever had to traverse, and I have finally come to a clearing in the wood.
The question is where do I go from here? Currently I am a stay-at-home-dad. I am doing my best to support my wife as she builds an online business. This means doing laundry and dishes. This means watching our toddler for a few hours solo. This means providing her with the time and space that she needs to work. It has been an adjustment to say the least.
I keep reverting back to looking for jobs or re-enlisting. Those things just aren’t in the cards for me anymore. My place is at home and our future is her business. I have full faith in her capabilities and given enough time, I believe that she will become much more successful than I could be in any conventional job.
I have had to train my mind, rewire my thought process, and overhaul old patterns. It has been easier said than done. I find myself experiencing multiple ego deaths as I commit to a life as a helper and a homemaker. It is for the best, and I am getting more and more used to it as the days go by. I am excited for our future and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.