I sleep. I dream. I wake. I say prayers. I make the bed. I pee. I drink water. I eat food. I brush my teeth. I drink coffee. I eat snacks. I meditate. I play with my son. I write. I watch nature documentaries. I eat lunch. I make love to my wife. I read. I eat dinner. I drink tea. I brush my teeth. I crawl into bed. Repeat.
The days seem to blend together. They have become so routine that I can almost feel what will happen before I get out of bed. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe I need to shake things up? Maybe this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing? I don’t know. I don’t mind the routine nature. I mind the fact that the days are beginning to feel like weeks, yet the weeks fly by and so do the months. Wouldn’t they anyway if I wasn’t in a routine?
Despite my efforts to transcend space and time, I am left up to my neck in reality. It hits hard and there is no escape. It can be very difficult to cope. This may seem absurd, but aren’t we trapped here to a certain degree? Or did we choose this life as an infinite soul in order to learn the lessons needed to progress spiritually? I hope the latter is the case at least.
So much of it seems outside of our control. How long can I possibly repeat this routine without going mad? Why should I go mad when I basically have a great setup? Don’t most people live routine lives without feeling trapped, bored, or going mad? I guess it’s all relative. Everyone lives a different life and for different reasons.
I suppose I’m still searching for my life’s work and for my true purpose. I also suppose that it’s a never ending quest. I guess the destination truly is the journey. Who am I? What am I? Where am I? What am I doing? Why am I here? It’s those ineffable questions that I keep coming back to and will always come back to. There are no answers.
I suppose the best thing to do would be to stay present, strive to be the best possible version of myself, be kind to others, and pass on my limited knowledge as best as I can. The rest seems so trivial. I am here. I am a sentient being. I can make decisions for better or for worse. I guess doing your best is the only option. So do it. And do it routinely.