Pursuing My Dream

The idea of becoming a psychologist has begun to surface time and time again throughout the course of my day. I see myself starting my own private practice somewhere near the ocean. I can picture myself biking to my office, and occasionally making long trips to help those in need. I visualize my family’s home on the beach, and all of the nuances and details that come with a new life. I can see myself and my family thriving. It is a profession and lifestyle which I could see myself enjoying for the rest of my time on earth, and I have decided that I am going to pursue it.

Anything worth having does not come easily. This journey will be no different. It will require me to go back to school, and for many years to say the least. It is a subject which I am interested in, and it will certainly become a lifelong learning process. I will need to once again acclimate to higher education, and accustom myself to online learning. With a working wife, and my duty as a stay-at-home-dad with a two year old, I will need to find ways to carve out time in order to achieve my dream. The financial aspect, the length of the journey, and the academic challenge are things to consider, but I see nothing that will prevent me from reaching my goal in the long run.

While in pursuit of this dream, I am going to make sure that my family comes first. Things can change, and I will be vigilant in terms of adapting to their needs. My wife and son (and potentially more children) will always be my top priority. I will make sure that they are cared for and provided for, and that my goals align with my wife’s vision of the future. I feel that as long as a strong level of adaptability is maintained by my wife and I, we can make any and every situation work for us.

The most critical aspects of this journey will be desire, determination, and discipline. If I maintain those three things, I am positive that I will be able to achieve my dream of becoming a psychologist. If I am able to couple those three things with adaptability to the constant fluctuations of my life and my family’s, the journey will become an enjoyable challenge. I have made up my mind, and I am going to take the necessary steps in order to achieve this dream. Updates will be made on a weekly basis to keep myself on track. The first step is looking into schools and programs that fulfill my wants and needs. Research is going to be my task for the next few weeks.

I am excited to once again be goal-oriented for the first time in as long as I can remember. It fills me with a renewed sense of purpose, and potentially with a lifetime of meaning. My highest Self is telling me that this is my calling, and I am going to listen. If things change, I will transition smoothly. If things become difficult, I will remain disciplined and determined. I know that I am capable of achieving this dream. My highest Self would not be telling me to pursue it if I wasn’t. My path has been marked, I must now take the first step toward my destination. I am going to become a psychologist: Dr. Taylor Richard Cook.

P.S. I am going to start self-interpreting my dreams and exposing my fantasies in order to make a stronger connection with my unconscious. I am choosing to do this in order to complete the process of individuation. I am going to become the cosmic man and my total Self. To accomplish this, I must surrender to my unconscious, treat my dreams and fantasies as real things, grow the trust and connection within, and operate from the seat of the unconscious mind. Last night I had a dream that the World Health Organization outlined a one year course of action for people to follow. I ignored the guidelines and did not heed the warnings. Even in the midst of coming face to face with the repercussions, I was walking around eating an orange without concern. I am going to assume that this was a reminder from my unconscious to take precautions without losing touch with my own health and mental well-being. I know that these are strange times, but becoming paranoid will not help the situation. I have recently been grappling with the fantasy of returning to younger days and living a bachelor’s lifestyle. I’m going to assume that this is because of my recent boredom and relative unhappiness with married life. It is not something I am going to pursue, but I am going to recognize that the energy must be displaced into something more constructive and beneficial. Those times are over, and I must find happiness and fulfillment in my current situation.

I’m Back…After 144 Days

My last post was on January 3rd. So much has happened since then. After twenty years of contact sports, a car wreck, and periods of substance abuse, my brain was in need of some TLC. SPECT-scans at a specialist clinic confirmed my suspicions. I had damage to five different regions of my brain, along with an overall decrease in activity. I received 40 hyperbaric oxygen chamber therapy treatments between mid-March and mid-April. The results have been nothing short of remarkable. Blood and oxygen flow has been increased, new connections have been made, and my brain’s capacity has been restored by up to 40%. It feels as if I have had a brain transplant- that is the only way to describe it. I feel like a new person. I have been gifted with a second chance at life, and I plan on making the most of it.

So far, my energy, focus, endurance, and mood have all shown improvement. Not only has my overall mental capacity and outlook improved, I have been inspired to take on new challenges. In a matter of a few weeks I have learned how to juggle three balls with relative ease. I have coupled this new physical challenge with learning a language. My wife spent her early life in Norway and has a strong grasp on the language. With the possibility of moving to Norway at some point during my son’s childhood, I have taken on the task of learning Norwegian. I now know a few hundred words and do my best to spend 20-30 minutes a day on lessons. My wife and I have also made an effort to play chess a few times a week. These three changes, although seemingly mild, have had a dramatic impact on my quality of life.

I have a renewed desire for learning and growth, a rejuvenated interest in spiritual development, and an outlook on life that is rooted in positivity. I am excited to see new places, meet new people, and do new things without hesitation for the first time in my life. Despite these positive changes, I have a lingering sensation of regret for lost time. I feel as if I completely lost a decade of my life. From 20-30, my life was a continual struggle. Little did I know that I was battling with bipolar disorder, brain damage, and adult ADHD. I am much more forgiving with myself than I had been before these diagnoses. I just couldn’t seem to get myself or my life figured out and I was very hard on myself until now. I have forgiven myself for my ignorance and lack of action, and am focusing on making the most of the time that I have left.

Following the chamber treatments, my remaining medication is no longer needed, I take care of my two year old son for 40+ hours a week, I’ve started exercising again, and I am exploring Jungian psychology in hopes of reconnecting with my Self. I am going to take the necessary steps to tap into my unconscious mind and operate with an unprecedented level of clarity. I am going to surrender my ego and conscious mind to the power of my unconscious and allow it to properly guide me for the rest of my life. It should allow for an inexplicably fluid and creative journey. I am looking forward to writing again, interpreting my dreams, and tapping into a deep relationship with my unconscious in order to complete the process of my own individuation in order to become the cosmic man and my complete Self.